I’m writing a new book titled, “Complaint Free Relationships” and have discovered something interesting.

People complain about a person they are in a relationship with for a number of reasons. In most cases, people complain about a person’s behavior OR about the person themselves.

“You don’t put the toilet seat down” a wife may complain to her husband which is a complaint about his behavior. Whereas,”You’re lazy!” is a personal complaint; a complaint/attack directed at the person themself.

Now here is the interesting thing. Psychological research studies have shown that in most cases people complain about another person’s behavior rather than the person themselves. The complaints are about behavor and NOT about the person.

However, in most cases people tend to hear the complaints as personal complaints. Even if the complaint is about behavior, we tend to hear and take things as personal complaints.

You may wish to talk to someone about their behavior but instead they hear it as a personal attack.

So we should ask ourselves, “How can I speak to someone else and make it clear that I’m asking for a change in their behavior while honoring and supporting who they are as a person?”

Also, we should be careful to watch that when someone talks to us about our behavior that we don’t take it personally because, in most cases, statements are not meant to be about us, personally but rather about our behavior. This is a major cause for conflict in relationships.

Have you noticed or experienced this? I’d like to hear your take.

Thank you,

Will Bowen

Hi,

Lots of great things going on at the Complaint Free World. We just completed a video of me speaking and interviews with 21 Day champions. Find out more at our web site www.AComplaintFreeWorld.org.

Also, I recently did an intervew wherein I answer a number of questions which I’m often asked. Check it out free online http://www.latalkradio.com/David.php .

Make 2009 a great, Complaint Free Year! And please check back to this blog often.

Will Bowen

Millions of people from nearly 90 countries around the world have transformed their lives with a simple purple bracelet. A Complaint Free World, inc. is a non-profit, non-religious entity which provides purple bracelets and other materials to help people affect positive change in their lives. The idea was simple, put a rubber purple bracelet on either wrist and then, when you catch yourself complaining, switch the bracelet to the other wrist. Keep switching the bracelet until you have gone 21 days without complaining thereby creating a new habit. We are in the process of creating additional programs for adults and children which support our mission and vision of creating a world of positive cooperation.