Sen. Phil Graham was recently attacked for saying, “The US is a ‘nation of whiners’ and we are in as much of a ‘mental recession’ than an economic recession.”

I could not agree more. Sure we’re in a time of economic shift but we’re ALWAYS in a time of economic shift. When the economy is shifting up we take it for granted (although most people then find something else about which to complain. When it’s down, we feel personally slighted, “how dare you do this to me!!”

The United States has weathered major economic challenges in the 1890s, the 1920s, the 1980s and today. This won’t be the last one.

The thing is, to the extent that we participate in the recession mentally we participate economically. I know of a man who, every time I talk to him, has the latest tale of economic woe and how his business is not doing well as a result of the economy. Knowing him as I do, I have no doubt that the economy has effected his business but not nearly to the extent as he has created this reality with his own thinking.

What I mean is that he has, in my opinion. failed to try as diligently or creatively to create new business for himself. He goes in to the office expecting things not to work out and, well, they don’t. A true self-fulfilling prophecy.

20 years ago, I was selling radio advertising for a living. At one point, the Arbitron radio station ratings came out and, somehow, 25% of our audience had switched to other radio stations during the one rating period. Was this frightening? Sure. Challenging? You betcha. But I decided that my clients didn’t care how many people listened to our station, they cared how many people walked into their businesses and I worked harder.

Other salespeople, without realizing it, cut back on their efforts and took every little setback as proof of the futility of working hard. They scaled back their efforts whereas I cranked mine up. That month, I sold nearly $60,000 in new advertising (my cut was 12%–and 20 years ago, $7200 in one month was good money–heck, it still is). Others wanted to write it off as luck. But you and I know the truth.

Phil Graham should be given a medal or at least a gold-plated Complaint Free Bracelet.

-Will Bowen

I’m writing a new book titled, “Complaint Free Relationships” and have discovered something interesting.

People complain about a person they are in a relationship with for a number of reasons. In most cases, people complain about a person’s behavior OR about the person themselves.

“You don’t put the toilet seat down” a wife may complain to her husband which is a complaint about his behavior. Whereas,”You’re lazy!” is a personal complaint; a complaint/attack directed at the person themself.

Now here is the interesting thing. Psychological research studies have shown that in most cases people complain about another person’s behavior rather than the person themselves. The complaints are about behavor and NOT about the person.

However, in most cases people tend to hear the complaints as personal complaints. Even if the complaint is about behavior, we tend to hear and take things as personal complaints.

You may wish to talk to someone about their behavior but instead they hear it as a personal attack.

So we should ask ourselves, “How can I speak to someone else and make it clear that I’m asking for a change in their behavior while honoring and supporting who they are as a person?”

Also, we should be careful to watch that when someone talks to us about our behavior that we don’t take it personally because, in most cases, statements are not meant to be about us, personally but rather about our behavior. This is a major cause for conflict in relationships.

Have you noticed or experienced this? I’d like to hear your take.

Thank you,

Will Bowen

Hi,

Lots of great things going on at the Complaint Free World. We just completed a video of me speaking and interviews with 21 Day champions. Find out more at our web site www.AComplaintFreeWorld.org.

Also, I recently did an intervew wherein I answer a number of questions which I’m often asked. Check it out free online http://www.latalkradio.com/David.php .

Make 2009 a great, Complaint Free Year! And please check back to this blog often.

Will Bowen