Interesting Information about Complaining in Relationships

I’m writing a new book titled, “Complaint Free Relationships” and have discovered something interesting.

People complain about a person they are in a relationship with for a number of reasons. In most cases, people complain about a person’s behavior OR about the person themselves.

“You don’t put the toilet seat down” a wife may complain to her husband which is a complaint about his behavior. Whereas,”You’re lazy!” is a personal complaint; a complaint/attack directed at the person themself.

Now here is the interesting thing. Psychological research studies have shown that in most cases people complain about another person’s behavior rather than the person themselves. The complaints are about behavor and NOT about the person.

However, in most cases people tend to hear the complaints as personal complaints. Even if the complaint is about behavior, we tend to hear and take things as personal complaints.

You may wish to talk to someone about their behavior but instead they hear it as a personal attack.

So we should ask ourselves, “How can I speak to someone else and make it clear that I’m asking for a change in their behavior while honoring and supporting who they are as a person?”

Also, we should be careful to watch that when someone talks to us about our behavior that we don’t take it personally because, in most cases, statements are not meant to be about us, personally but rather about our behavior. This is a major cause for conflict in relationships.

Have you noticed or experienced this? I’d like to hear your take.

Thank you,

Will Bowen

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